


No One Likes Nickelback

by savvymavvy



Category: Glee RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-15
Updated: 2018-02-15
Packaged: 2019-03-18 21:48:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13690482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/savvymavvy/pseuds/savvymavvy
Summary: Chris and Darren attend a local bar’s Valentine’s Day Cupid Shuffle at the behest of their best friends. It … goes unexpectedly. And no one likes Nickelback.





	No One Likes Nickelback

**Author's Note:**

  * For [drosophilase](https://archiveofourown.org/users/drosophilase/gifts).



“I know you mean well but. Is this really necessary?” Chris tries to slow down his walk as they get closer and closer to the bar.

“Yup.” Ashley picks up the pace, reaching back and grabbing on to Chris’s jacket tail to keep him from bolting. She knows his methods by now. “I have a fantastic boyfriend. One whom I love and cherish.” She pauses and then adds, “… most of the time.”

She continues, “One whom I going to spend the rest of this Valentine’s Day with. I don’t want you to be alone this year.”

Chris sighs and falls into line with her. “I wouldn’t be alone. I have Brian. And Cooper.” He pauses for a moment, still following beside her. “You’re dropping me off at adult daycare!”

“I am not!”

“Planned activities! Supervision! Playing with others! You can say this is for my own good Fink but this has all the makings of adult daycare with added alcohol and potential orgasms.”

“Okay one that is totally an inappropriate thing to say and two you are … mostly… wrong. Okay you’re a little right but. But!” Ashley pauses, pulling Chris to stand right in front of her outside the bar entrance. “If nothing else, consider this peace of mind for ME then, alright? Knowing that my favorite person might be having awesome sex on Valentine’s Day.”

“Potentially having adequate sex,” he corrects her. “I bank nothing on the people here being able to have good sex let alone awesome. … Conceding that there is even anyone I’d want to sex–”

“Right, right, of course but. Maybe!”

Chris smiles. He hates this sort of thing but he loves her. He’ll allow it. She flattens the lapels on his jacket and then looks him up and down with a critical eye.

“Well?” He holds his arms out.

“You look good. You’ll have to beat them off,” she finally decides.

“Isn’t that the point here?” Chris snorts.

Ashley just laughs and smacks him on the ass. “Now you got it!”

With one last heavy sigh, Chris turns and makes his way into The Highball for their pre-Valentine’s Cupid Shuffle.

*

“This is supposed to be better than a club… how?” Darren runs his fingers through his hair as he falls into step alongside Etai.

“More conversation!” Etai loops an arm through Darren’s speeding them both up.

“And we want conversation…”

“Because it can’t all be showtunes and orgasms my friend.”

Darren snorts. “You are seriously underestimating the caliber of showtunes the last guy I met knew. … and his orgasms.”

“Maybe but. You go on endlessly about not having anyone to talk to who isn’t in a relationship so.” Etai gestures towards the bar the bar where they have a lit up box office sign announcing their Cupid Shuffle.

“I want it to be known that I am only doing this because your boyfriend promised to give me his special brownie recipe.”

“So stated for the record. Now. Go have a chat with someone.”

Darren smirks, sends Etai a wink and heads into the bar.

*

Chris swirls his martini. This round isn’t going well.

“… and then I found this really weird looking mailbox in Lakeport. It was amazing, looked like a whole flock of ducks and of course I needed to add it to my portfolio, you know?”

“Of course.” Chris swirls his martini the other way. He had no idea that mailbox photographer was even a thing.

Now he knows.

*

“Favorite band? Eh… I don’t know,” the man across the table is taking the time to think but Darren really isn’t sure about this one. He hasn’t had luck with him since he opened his mouth to make a comment about Darren’s shirt being too loud.

“I guess I’m not really a music guy? I mean, it’s alright but … most music now is just really bad. And loud.” He pauses and Darren works to figure out what that even means. “Wait! I went to a Nickelback concert a while back and it was a lot of fun.”

“Oh my god.” Darren drains the rest of his whiskey and signals to one of the floating waiters.

*

Chris really isn’t sure what to do with this guy. “There, there. It’ll be … okay.” Chris awkwardly pats the man on the back, feeling the left arm of his shirt grow damper from Brad’s tears.

“I just really fucking miss him you know?” Brad sniffles slightly. “And I thought I was over him, like totally over him finally but that guy over there just looks like him and I can’t do this.” He hiccups and grabs his drink, downing it in one fast move that has Chris slightly impressed.

“I’m sorry, I really got to go find Andre. I’m sure you’re a nice man but. I’ve got to go.” Brad rushes out of there, leaving Chris at his table with nothing to do for another ten minutes in this round.

“Waiter!” He says quickly, raising a hand.

*

Darren wouldn’t call himself high-maintenance. He’s a pretty low-key type of guy and he fully embraces aspects of the hippie lifestyle.

But.

He does have a line and it is showering.

In that he would like his partners to do so. Kenneth doesn’t seem too inclined.

Still. Darren does write his number down. He may not have any desire to date Kenneth but if that hit he took says anything, he’s gonna want the name of Kenneth’s weed shop.

*

“So THEN Marjorie said ‘Hell no I’m not going to wear that to the yacht party. Julia just wore a dress by that designer to last Fall’s Apple Garden Party’ so you can only imagine the kind of reaction THAT got–” 

“Waiter!” 

*

Chris doesn’t mean to be snippy. Not really. He’s sure the guy in front of him is nice but he just had to deal with West Coast Wall Street from Hell and the guy in front of him seems to ooze hipster in that way that sends up Chris’s hackles. A highschool evolutionary left-over to keep himself safe when in the presence of people who totally believe themselves to be Cool.

Still, he didn’t mean to be so snippy.

Or at least not snippy enough to get a drink thrown in his face.

*

“Hey, can I get another whiskey?” Darren asks, leaning over the bar. There is still another hour of this Cupid Shuffle to go and Darren is going to need more whiskey. So much more.

A groan comes from the man next to him where his forehead is firmly planted on the bartop.

“You too, huh?” Darren can feel his pain. “And… whatever this guy is drinking. Bring him something too.”

The man mumbles something but it is quiet and his face is still smushed into the bartop (which Darren is a bit worried about as he can’t imagine that is a real clean place to press one’s face).

“Sorry man, didn’t catch that.”

“I said,” the guy picks his head up off the counter to face Darren. “You didn’t have to do that. In fact you probably shouldn’t have. I’m pretty sure I’ve had enough for tonight. For awhile.”

That seems to indicate a story but Darren doesn’t pry, at least not for that yet. He looks the man next to him up and down and really, he can’t stop himself.

“So … the purple…”

“Yes, I’m covered in purple. No, I didn’t do it. Yes, it is from their purple nurples. No, I would never drink something so poorly named. Yes, you shouldn’t insult Chad about the names of his trees.”

Darren blinks. There is just. So much there.

“… names of his … trees?” He chokes out.

“Right?? I mean, name your cars, name your kids, name your… I don’t know, electronic devices, whatever but fucking trees…??” The moan groans before dropping his face in his hands. “Apparently he is super sensitive about the whole thing. How was I to know??”

Darren continues to stand there, staring at the man beside him who is covered, head to toe, in stick purple food coloring and who has to be having a worse night than he is because he insulted trees. He can’t help it.

He laughs.

It starts as a little snicker but quickly develops into fully belly guffaws.

It takes a moment but then the man beside him is laughing and it grows in both of them before they’re having to grab on to each other to keep themselves up right.

“I’m sorry man but that… that just encapsulates this whole night.” Darren gestures towards the stained shirt.

“Really fucking does.” The guy pulls back and sighs, looking down at the stain. “Might as well take it off, don’t think I’ll be doing the rest of this now.” Darren opens his mouth to question that but freezes as the guy begins to unbutton his shirt in the middle of the bar.

“At least this shirt isn’t … purple.”

“Is that–”

“–it wasn’t really appropriate for this whole thing but now, fuck it. I’m not staying.”

“–Darth Sidious’ Eta shuttle?”

The guy pauses, grabs his new drink on the bar and seems to look Darren up and down for the first time. “I.” He stops, takes a sip and then sets it down. “My name is Chris,” he says holding out his hand.

“Darren and, I fucking love that shirt.”

Chris grins for what feels like the first time tonight. “Darren, would you like to go get a drink with me?”

Darren raises an eyebrow, looking pointedly at their drinks on the bar.

“Let me rephrase. Darren, would you like to go get a drink with me not in this terribly cheesy bar and talk about really ridiculously nerdy things that will make up for all of the crappy mailbox conversations I’ve had to have tonight, don’t even ask, and then maybe have vaguely drunk and really ridiculously raunchy sex followed by maybe a late brunch tomorrow?” It’s the boldest Chris has been in a while but those blueberry martini’s were strong and this guy is attractive, funny and understands his shirt. He’s going with this.

“Chris, that is the best idea I’ve heard in a long time.” He grabs his whiskey, finishes it off and offers his arm. “I know a great place not too far from here. Quiet, dark, fantastic music– wait. You don’t like Nickelback do you?”

Chris stares at him like he has a few heads. “Is that what you’ve had to deal with tonight?” 

Darren nods slowly, seriously. 

“Good god. Well, we both apparently need this. Lead the way.”


End file.
